ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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