It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
