Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
