Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
