sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i barfeds in our rink
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
