He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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