I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
