Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
