I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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