My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
