a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His nipple licking is glorious
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