i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
