Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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