MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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