I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
