if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
