If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
