help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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