Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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