I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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