i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
