Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
