so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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