Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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