so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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