he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
