Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
