I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
