ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
