I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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