Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
