about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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