Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drake has all the answers
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
