I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
