So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
