Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
