he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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