my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
