i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
