Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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