if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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