I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
