Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
