Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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