out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
