I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
