When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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