Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
