it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
