Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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