Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
