just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
