so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the day after is always just damage control
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
