I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
