Sponge bath it is.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
