Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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