Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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