I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
