Yo dont text me then not text me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
