i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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