I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yo dont text me then not text me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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