It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
did i walk over a car last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
