i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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