Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
