Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
