Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
