I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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