no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
