I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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