While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
