Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
