I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
