i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ruined the universe
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
