do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
