My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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