Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
